Our Celebrity Death Predictions of 2010Posted: January 16, 2010
- Melissa Joan Hart dies from black magic. Libby calls her “freak” at her funeral.
- Ringo Starr dies after being run over by Thomas the Tank Engine. He is denied from Beatles heaven; enters Beatles Rock Band heaven.
- Santa Claus dies while making sweet, passionate love to Rudolph. Walmart quickly steps in to fill the void.
- Flo (of Progressive commercial fame) dies in a car accident. She had no insurance to pay for her funeral, but the Geico gecko and Esurance cartoons were in attendance.
- Chris Claremont dies at the hands of Magneto. But, don’t worry, he’ll be back….
- King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden dies fighting abominable snowmen. Ikea provides coffin.
- Pierre Cardin dies after a fall in Lacoste, France. SCAD takes over Provence.
- Lalaine (Miranda from “Lizzy Maguire”) dies from spontaneous combustion. Hilary Duff is not present at her funeral.
- Pam Anderson dies from suffocation in a sack. Kazakhstan mourns.
- Aaron Carter dies from God’s wrath. No one notices, but the sun shines brighter.