Ugly to Hot: Riverdale Edition, Part 1Posted: February 26, 2010
36. Miss Beazley: We’re pretty sure there’s fungus growing inside of her. That’s why we don’t eat cafeteria food.
35. Hilda & Zelda Spellman (Sabrina the Teenage Witch): Their extreme body weights, unnatural hair colors and fugly witch noses leave a lot to be desired. Thank goodness Sabrina is half-mortal.
34. Ethel Muggs: The average human has 32 teeth. Ethel has two.
33. Mr. Weatherbee: What it would look like if a spider died on top of Benjamin Franklin’s head.
32. Pop Tate: The 1970s called, and they want their body hair back.
31. Coach Kleats: Remember that “Buns of Steel” workout tape? He ate it.
30. Mr. Andrews: He’s just a balding, overweight version of Archie, which isn’t saying much.
29. Archie Andrews: How does he get so much T&A with that mug?
28. Professor Flutesnoot: Prof. Flutesnoot’s nose is making some woman very happy.
27. Mrs. Jones: Ain’t no one jones-ing for that lady.
26. Miss Grundy: She’s not ugly….
25. Mr. Cooper: He’s just slightly fat and balding.