Miles’ 5 Weapons of Choice

Let’s be real, we’ve all daydreamt about committing acts of violence.  Whether it involved shutting up that annoying lady at work, or just getting our comeuppance, our minds have gone there.  Below are the top five weapons I would use to cause someone bodily harm.

5. Helicopter: Maybe I played too much Sonic the Hedgehog as a child, but I like the idea of killing someone by landing on top of them.  The shadow cast by the chopper and its obnoxious noisiness would only add to the sense of impending doom.

4. Handcuffs: Death by shackling is great because you can put part of the blame on someone else.  It wasn’t my fault, it was their own body’s for starving itself to death while they were locked to the radiator!

3. German Shepherd: Looking down on my victim from a hilltop, I would turn to my German Shepherd named Luxury and whisper “Luxury, kill,” and what was once a majestic creature with a silky coat would transform into a cold-hearted murderer.  As the pièce de résistance, she’d pee on the body.

2. My Own Fist: In high school I learned that Vikings could kill a man with one punch.  While I’ve only seen this happen in Streets of Rage, this seems like the perfect no-nonsense way of doing away with someone.  No, they’re not getting up.

1. Prosthetic Leg: I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go to prison because everyone would be laughing to hard at the victim who was beaten to death with a loafer attached to a piece of tapered plastic.


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