The Nerdiest Board GamesPosted: September 3, 2010
5. Pretty Pretty Princess: 4-year-old girls learn social hierarchy by fighting over tacky elegant accessories. Clearly, the difference between royalty and street trash depends on the amount of ugly plastic jewelry you’re wearing. Girls who play this game certainly won’t end up as outcast losers who wear too many beads and spend three decades waiting for their prince to come.
4. Napoleon in Europe: History, guys! Assume the identity of Prussia, the Ottoman Empire, and other countries of old as you struggle to halt France’s siege of the continent. Was it a mistake to build so many naval vessels? Is my alliance with Russia just a ruse to get me to marshal forces away from my Eastern border? Cool kids would never ask these questions.
3. Scrabble: There’s nothing like spending your Friday nights arguing over the English language with a few friends. Is lexicographical a word? You’d never learn the answer at a bar. I mean, why go to a party when you could spell the word party for 10 points??
2. The Mansion of Happiness: This early American board game offers an alternative to going outside, which involves too much opportunity for sinning anyway. Avoid the immodesty, cruelty, and fun spaces to secure your place in the Mansion of Happiness and in a loveless puritan marriage. Praise the lord!
1. Star Trek the Next Generation: A Klingon Challenge: I kind of want to play a board game, but I also kind of want to watch Star Trek the Next Generation. Now I can do both! Navigate the board with paper dolls of beloved Enterprise background characters while Kavok the Klingon yells at you from your own TV screen. I was going to go outside today, but I don’t want to invoke Kavok’s wrath!