9 Reasons Why We Were MIAPosted: October 28, 2011
1. Did you know Adele throws up before every performance? Well Jamie did, because for the past year or so, she has been working as Adele’s official puke-catcher. Not to brag, or anything.
2. Miles became a follower of the The Secret. He spent the last year putting out energy into the universe with the one goal that Anderson Cooper take his shirt off on television AND THEN IT HAPPENED.
3. Jamie spent the past year pursuing her PhD in Bret Michael’s pouty face.
4. Miles spent the last year trying to get a funder for his Pajamajortsvoralls idea.
5. Jamie pursued a joint PhD in cinema studies. Her thesis was entitled “The Impact of ‘Laser Mission’ on Current Weaponry of Mass Destruction.” (If you haven’t seen “Laser Mission,” I suggest you to do so immediately. It’s a life-changer.)
6. Miles went into hibernation for the better part of last year, and through a combination of gorging and sleeping, gained nearly 1,000 pounds. Then, through unhealthy dieting (fire eating) he lost it all in a bid to become the most popular girl in school.
7. Jamie has been, like, really tired, guys. Seriously.
8. Miles stopped showering regularly and it made it hard to work together.
9. We were killed by our evil robot twins to prevent us from winning battle of the bands. We had to defeat Death by winning Battleship to go back and save our totally awesome babes. Oh, and win battle of the bands. So after we won Battleship against Death, we had to travel into heaven in order to find the greatest inventors of all time to make robot us-es to kill the evil twin robots. Oh, we totally met God, you guys. Yeah, he was pretty cool, I guess. So then we came back and right before the battle of the bands, the good robot twins defeated the evil ones. Righteous! But then we realized we didn’t really know how to play our instruments. Lucky for us, George Carlin showed up in a time-traveling phone book and took us back in time to learn how to play. Station!
WE’RE FUCKING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!