The 5 Fictional Lives That Miles Wants As His Own

The grass is always greener on the other side, especially when the other side is fictional.  Who hasn’t read a book or watched a movie and thought, “I want their life!” Well now you can have it!  Actually, I’m lying.  But what you can do is read this list about what lives I would inhabit if all of this were possible.

Kiki from Kiki’s Delivery Service

At the age that most teens are begging their mom for a ride to the movies and failing algebra, Kiki was flying across the country to start a small business.  Sure, she only had one outfit and her bestie was a cat, but she got a free room with a view of the ocean in exchange for baking lessons, and did I mention she can fly?  Don’t forget about the time she swiffered that artist’s cabin in exchange for a painting of herself astride a unicorn. MY  DREAM LIFE.

Daniel LaRusso from Karate Kid


While the move from New Jersey to California meant leaving all of his friends behind, Daniel LaRusso hit the jackpot when he met Mr. Miyagi.  This master-student relationship involved free karate lessons, free classic cars, and a free trip to Japan in the sequel.  When Danny wasn’t building his resume with Miyagi, he was hanging out at the beach and crashing Halloween parties in that unforgettable homemade shower costume.  At the end of the first film he wins the biggest trophy I’ve ever seen, then flies off to Okinawa to date a Japanese dancer.  Dude is too cool.

Kitty Pryde from X-men


As a fellow Chicago suburbanite, Kitty Pryde’s adventures with the X-men resonated strongly with me as a teenager.  She got to drop out of school because she was a mutant, then attend fake school in upstate New York, where instead of gym class, students dodge lasers in the Danger Room.  After some pretty age-inappropriate flirtations with the Russian bodybuilder farmhand Colossus, she adopted a purple fire-breathing dragon and quit school entirely so she could go live in a lighthouse in  England.  Oh, and somewhere along the way she became a ninja.  Damn, girl.

Tintin from The Adventures of Tintin

Tintin has the best job in the world.  He works as a “reporter,” which means he jet sets around the globe with a drunk pirate, and his equally drunk dog Snowy.  Not only does he get paid to write nothing down, but he gets to  punch gorillas and shoot cobras on the newspaper’s dime.  Having his life may involve wearing 10 pounds of blush and belted high-wasted  parachute capris , but I’d take it in a heartbeat.

Sarah Williams from Labyrinth

In the movie Labyrinth, super stylish Sarah Williams reads unpublished plays with her sheepdog, bitches out her step-mom, and seethes angst in her Pier 1 furnished bedroom all before she rejects David Bowie, the kidnapping drag queen.  Faced with traversing a maze filled with monsters, she uses fart jokes and her Covergirl Outlast Lipstain to guide her to the center.  Eventually she gains the ability to snap and have Muppets appear, which is probably the coolest power ever.



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