Miles’ 5 New Years Resolutions

Improve French Skills

Don’t be fooled, learning foreign languages is super easy…when you have a teacher…or are in a place where that foreign language is spoken. When working alone, however, the otherwise glamorous activities of making flash cards and drawing verb charts feel tedious.  There’s a French speaking group that I can go to that’s like, 2 feet from my house, but I’m so scared you guys.  What if they ridicule my choppy sentences and throw baguettes at me?  What if they forcefeed me foie gras in some sort of ironic commentary?  Like Marie Antoinette I must be brave.

Build a Secret Body

What is a secret body, you say?  You know that friend who looks completely normal and then even in a t-shirt he doesn’t really seem like he has anything going on, but then you’re at the pool and the clothes come off and suddenly there’s a body under there?  That’s a secret body.  This is not to be confused with a sweater body, which is the opposite, as it can be seen clearly under any item of clothing, even a thick sweater.  For someone as thin as I am, a sweater body is completely unfathomable, but I’m shooting for a secret body by summer.  Maybe?

Sew an Amazing Jumpsuit

Let’s be real.  Matching your shirt with your pants is super hard, especially when it’s 7 in the morning and you’re already late for work and you don’t have a light in your closet because your apartment doesn’t make sense.  There is no better solution to this problem than overalls a jumpsuit.  Now, I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry.  I’ve sewed a shirt, and I’ve made shorts, so how much more complicated can it be to make a jumpsuit?  I just have to make sure that the shoulders fit, the crotch fits, the ass fits, the sleeves fit, the collar fits, and the zipper stays in place.  But you know what, I have a whole year, so shut up.

Make a Comic

My journey as a failed artist has progressed like this:

  1. Art making= fun
  2. Art making = challenging but rewarding
  3. Art making = low self esteem

Now I’ve reached the point where everything I draw takes 37 hours and looks like poop.  And yet somehow, even though lifting a pencil also makes me want to lift a knife and move it towards my wrist, I have agreed to do a comic with my boyfriend.  I mean, I already wrote the script (and it’s amazing) but drawing the thing is just too emo.  Maybe I need to take a cue from New Years Eve and get trashed before drawing.  It worked for Warhol.

Launch Rap Career

In 2012 it has to happen.



One Comment on “Miles’ 5 New Years Resolutions”

  1. Zachary says:

    OMJesus, that microphone came out of nowhere.

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