The 5 Easter Candies No One Wants- Even at 90% OffPosted: April 27, 2012
Yesterday I was at a drug store, when I saw this sad little section of the worst leftover Easter candy….Put that ish away, Walgreens! Ain’t nobody want this candy!
5. Chocolate “Flavored” Bunny
If you buy this for someone at Easter, it means you hate them; real chocolate is like $1 more! I know I like my chocolate to taste like plastic and give me an immediate headache, but not everyone feels that way.
4. Black Jelly Beans
No one likes black jelly beans. NO ONE. And if you say you do, quit lying to yourself: you tolerate black jelly beans. Also, thanks for making them Easter-themed (love that “Easter” mascot), but jelly bird eggs? Isn’t that a bit of a stretch? Just call them Jesus drops and be done with it.
3. Chicks and Rabbits
Although finding a way to make circus peanuts even more disgusting is a big undertaking, Brach’s did the next-to-impossible by dying styrofoam neon colors and smooshing them into creepy shapes. Circus peanuts: disappointing children since the 1940s.
2. Edible Easter Grass
Pssht, who needs wrappers for their candy? I prefer to eat mine after someone put their most likely dirty hands all over it, then let it sit out for a while. Who needs to diet when you can just have diarrhea!
1. Mallow Pals
See, I like marshmallows, but they don’t taste fake enough to me! That’s where Mallow Pals comes in. Tired of having to chew your marshmallow? Here- just shoot Pepto-colored slime into your mouth! That’s not a sugar rush you’re feeling- that’s the cancer forming!