The 5 Forgotten Disney Princesses

Charlotte

It would have been so easy for Disney to cast Charlotte as the rich, racist debutant in Princess and the Frog.  Instead, they made a her boy-crazy Mardi Gras princess who stuffs dollar bills in her bra and chats up six year olds.  Unlike Mulan, she knows her to put on make up, and unlike every other Disney princess, she’s actually funny.   

Princess Eilonwy

Kind of like the Skipper to Sleeping Beauty’s Barbie, Princess Eilonwy is still waiting for puberty to take its full effects and transform her into a true Disney princess.  She has yet to gain her 11 inch waist, dinner plate eyes, and healthy but still family friendly breasts.  Once these changes have occured, Eilonwy just needs to trade her flats for some heels and her headband for a tiara and she’s ready to join Mulan and Pocahontas on the Disney princess D-list.   

Kiara

Ok so maybe she’s a lion, and maybe she’s featured in a direct-to-video sequel of a much more beloved movie, but Kiara’s a bonified Disney princess dammit.   While eating raw hyena and running around naked aren’t things that Belle and Ariel typically do, Kiara is a proper lady who knows all about showering publically and pushing bitches off cliffs.  When you sleep on a stone bed every night and eat antelope carcass for breakfast, you don’t need no crown.

Vanessa

Basically a sluttier Ariel with higher plucked eyebrows, it’s easy to see why Eric almost married Vanessa instead.  Even after she was pooped on, vommitted on, and infested by crabs, I’m pretty sure Eric still would have hit  it.  Unfortunately Vanessa’s charade as a human was quickly revealed, so she transformed back into an octopus, and was promptly stabbed in the vagina. 

Maid Marian

Although not a princess per se, Maid Marian has all the style of one.  Show me another Disney chick who can rock a pink and purple turtleneck dress with marshmallow sleeves and a matching head scarf.  Ignore her body hair issues, and Marian’s got the goods to go toe to toe with any “official” Disney Princess.  If that’s not convincing enough for you, we’ll throw in Lady Kluck, who is bascially a pair of breasts with wings


8 Comments on “The 5 Forgotten Disney Princesses”

  1. Sophie Walton says:

    Vanessa wasnt a princess because she was actually ursula in disguise!

  2. Caylee says:

    And what about Kida from Atlantis? Or Megara from Hercules? They are both very forgotten. So is Tiger Lily from Peter Pan.

  3. Lj says:

    what about anastasia?

  4. dp says:

    tots agree with Lj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Zel says:

    Anastasia wasnt a disney movie
    Meg was not ever royalty
    Charlotte was not actually a princess either just rich
    Vanessa, ursula in disguise, was also never stated to be a princess

    there are far better qualified characters for this list


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