The 5 Hottest Young Tyrants

Joseph Stalin


Before all the megalomania, mass deportations of citizens to Siberia, and bad mustache choices, Stalin was a just a hot otter who wouldn’t look out of place at a gay bar in Petrograd.  At 5’4” and with a sexy, withered left hand, Stalin could have had a good career as the steamy young Bolshevik  to some rich Sugar Papa.

Yakubu Gowon

General Yakubu Gowon Of Nigeria

Mmmm! I do like me a Ngas man from Kanke! Especially one that can move, honey!  Before military coup-ing Nigeria, Gowon was a boxer, soccer goalie, and pole vaulter, so you know that man knew his way around a penis! Am I right ladies?

Richard Nixon


Richard Nixon wasn’t always a slack jowled Republican with dead eyes and a receding hairline .  Once upon a time those jowls were tight and sexy, and that hair squiggled across his forehead like a question mark, asking the ladies “who’s ready for orgasmgate?”

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad



We all know that Mahmoud was only elected for his looks, so it’s quite the surprise to find out that back in the day he was even more of a hunk.  While much of Mahmoud’s post-college, pre-grad school life remains a sexy mystery, I’m betting that he was cleaning a lot of Persian carpets, if you know what I mean.

Corneliu Zelea Codreanu


While Romania later tried to play down Corneliu’s hotness by printing a postage stamp that showed him with a butt chin, this smexy fascist was quite the teenage dream.  After he was deemed too young and luscious to fight in WWI, he famously claimed that the Jews were threatening the purity of young Romanian women.  But Corneliu, it was you.  Oh honey, it was you.

2 Comments on “The 5 Hottest Young Tyrants”

  1. Zachary says:

    This list is ridiculous! Where did you even find these young, evil hotties?

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