The 5 Reasons to Learn a Foreign Language

You’ve Exhausted all of your English Language Media

exhausted media

Ugh, I’ve literally watched every show on Hulu and Netflix and read every single thing ever written in English, even the bible!  I can’t take it anymore! I almost went outside, but then I found out that there were 14 versions of Ugly Betty that I had never seen.  The actors talked funny, but I remembered enough from Taco Bell commercials to piece together that Betty’s braces are fake.

You Can Hold It Over Other People

Hold it over others

Wake up America! If you only speak one language, you’re racist.  I don’t care if you were only offered Latin in school and everyone around you only speaks English, it’s still all your fault.  I speak four languages: Spanish, because I believe in America; sign language, because deaf kids are trendsetters; Mandarin because China is the future; and English because it was pretty much forced on me at birth.

It’s Never Too Late to Commit to Something Really Difficult, Time Consuming, and Expensive

Time business concept.

Sorry boyfriend, I can’t touch your no-no zone right now because I have to learn the pluperfect tense, then make 500 flash cards.  And you know I want to go to Mexico with you, but I should really only travel to French speaking countries if I’m going to learn this language by 2029.  Can you buy groceries this month?  I spent all of my savings on Rosetta Stone.

To Get Laid

Get Laid

Bonjour sluts, voudriez-vous toucher mon penis avec ton manicure?  Après, on peut quitter ce strip club and faire le dirty dans mon boudoir de sexe. Pas intéressé?  Pourquois pas vouz appliquez ces body stickers et rejoignez moi pour un carafe de roofies?

To Make That Monaaaaaay

Money copy

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but translators make bank.  We’re talking 100,000 to 200,000 pennies a year.  If you speak a hot language like Fula, you can make a comfortable living translating cattle agreements for Fulbe herders.  That flock of sheep you got may not look like a lot of money right now, but I’ve heard that in 5 years it’s going to be worth at least 45 sweaters.

One Comment on “The 5 Reasons to Learn a Foreign Language”

  1. chuckv88 says:

    Really cool blog. Count me as a subscriber.

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