How many billions of dollars have been made off of a show that is little more than looped chase sequences and a dog with a speech impediment? In a cartoon where the jokes aren’t funny the first time, they have a laugh track to remind you that, yes, they are still doing a gag about Scooby being scared of a butt 427 episodes later.
Why would Chief hire Inspector Gadget? Just because his mouth is a toaster and his nipples leak oil doesn’t mean he’s qualified to solve international mysteries. Also, should Penny, who has somehow gotten her hands on a Kindle and an ipod nano-watch 25 years early, be left in the protection of a cyborg who is constantly malfunctioning? One of these days those helicopter blades are gonna kill that poor girl!
George of the Jungle
George of the Jungle is just Tarzan if everyone that made Tarzan was bleeding to death. The show is rushed, jokeless, and in desperate need of medical attention. I mean, what do George’s genitals even look like after 530 tree collisions? See those red blotches on his loincloth? That’s blood.
I thought it was impossible not to be afraid of Batman, until I saw the Super Friends. Here, Brucey joins his spandex clad pals in maybe protecting the planet, but really just agreeing with eachother all the time with their pants off. The only good thing to come out of this cartoon was the four
token multicultural heroes who despite being stereotypes have way cooler powers than, say, Wonder Woman, whose ability is to have a star spangled camel toe.
Rocky and Bullwinkle
This is maybe the worst animated anything that I’ve ever seen. Whenever Rocky talks I think (s)he’s having a stroke, but then every character talks like that! The frame rate is 2 per minute, and I hate to bring up the elephant in the room, but Bullwinkle’s body looks like Black man’s testicle!
“Deliverance” Come to Life
Don’t Say Russia Never Gave us Anything
Old and Dried Out, Just Like Grandma
Are You Famous Enough?
It’s not Always Hip to be Square
Imma ConnectiCUT You, Bitch!
The First Forgotten State
A Nice Place to Die
Come for the Romance, Stay for the Racism
The Pineapple Upside Down State
No, You da ho!
Corn and Corruption
Where Canals are Still in Style!
Out and Proud Since 2009
Where Dorothy was Escaping From
Where You Can Always Get Beat by Your Pa
The Prison Capital of the World
Cold Enough to Fish, Too Cold to Dream
The Colonists Were Drunk When They Drew Our Borders
Bet You Can’t Spell it Right
The Only State with pee pee in the Name
Purple Mountain Travesty
Where the Corn Runs Red with Blood
Can I Get my Money Back?
Live Free and Die
Fuck Old Jersey
You Like Turquoise, Right?
Gang Fights Will Inspire You!
Graveyard of the Atlantic
What the Frack?
Set Your Bland TV Show Here!
The Birthplace of Hanson
White People Left to Their Own Devices
America’s Tiny Little Baby
It Don’t Get More Southern Than This
If You Like it Then You Should Have Put Four Presidents’ Faces on It
Country Died Here
Bigger is Worse
Wives for Everyone!
Billboards Will be Shot on Sight
West of Sanity