5 Beloved Cartoons that are Actually Terrible
Posted: March 15, 2013 Filed under: Miles List, Read My List Leave a commentHow many billions of dollars have been made off of a show that is little more than looped chase sequences and a dog with a speech impediment? In a cartoon where the jokes aren’t funny the first time, they have a laugh track to remind you that, yes, they are still doing a gag about Scooby being scared of a butt 427 episodes later.
Inspector Gadget
Why would Chief hire Inspector Gadget? Just because his mouth is a toaster doesn’t mean he’s qualified to solve international mysteries. Also, should Penny, who has somehow gotten her hands on a Kindle and an Apple Watch 25 years early, be left in the protection of a cyborg who is constantly malfunctioning? One of these days those helicopter blades are gonna kill that poor girl!
George of the Jungle
George of the Jungle is just Tarzan if everyone that made Tarzan was drunk. The show is rushed, jokeless, and in desperate need of medical attention. I mean, what do George’s genitals even look like after 100 tree collisions? Those red blotches on his loincloth? That’s blood.
Super Friends
I thought it was impossible not to be afraid of Batman, until I saw the Super Friends. Here, Brucey joins his spandex clad pals in maybe protecting the planet, but really just agreeing with eachother all the time with their pants off. The only good thing to come out of this cartoon was the four token multicultural heroes who despite being stereotypes have way cooler powers than, say, Wonder Woman, whose ability is to have a star spangled camel toe.
Rocky and Bullwinkle
This is maybe the worst animated anything I’ve ever seen. Whenever Rocky talks I think (s)he’s having a stroke, but then every character talks like that! The frame rate is 2 per minute, and I hate to bring up the elephant in the room, but Bullwinkle’s body is a straight up testicle!
50 New State Slogans
Posted: March 12, 2013 Filed under: Jamie List, Miles List, Read My List, Zachary List 2 CommentsAlabama
“Deliverance” Come to Life
Alaska
Don’t Say Russia Never Gave us Anything
Arizona
Old and Dried Out, Just Like Grandma
Arkansas
Pirate Kansas
California
Are You Famous Enough?
Colorado
It’s not Always Hip to be Square
Connecticut
Imma ConnectiCUT You, Bitch!
Delaware
The First Forgotten State
Florida
A Nice Place to Die
Georgia
Come for the Romance, Stay for the Racism
Hawaii
The Pineapple Upside Down State
Idaho
No, You da ho!
Illinois
Corn and Corruption
Indiana
Where Canals are Still in Style!
Iowa
Out and Proud Since 2009
Kansas
Where Dorothy was Escaping From
Kentucky
Where You Can Always Get Beat by Your Pa
Louisiana
The Prison Capital of the World
Maine
Cold Enough to Fish, Too Cold to Dream
Maryland
The Colonists Were Drunk When They Drew Our Borders
Massachusetts
Bet You Can’t Spell it Right
Michigan
Apocalypse Now!
Minnesota
You Betcha!
Mississippi
The Only State with pee pee in the Name
Missouri
Misery Mispelled
Montana
Purple Mountain Travesty
Nebraska
Where the Corn Runs Red with Blood
Nevada
Can I Get my Money Back?
New Hampshire
Live Free and Die
New Jersey
Fuck Old Jersey
New Mexico
You Like Turquoise, Right?
New York
Gang Fights Will Inspire You!
North Carolina
Graveyard of the Atlantic
North Dakota
What the Frack?
Ohio
Set Your Bland TV Show Here!
Oklahoma
The Birthplace of Hanson
Oregon
White People Left to Their Own Devices
Pennsylvania
Ugh, History
Rhode Island
America’s Tiny Little Baby
South Carolina
It Don’t Get More Southern Than This
South Dakota
If You Like it Then You Should Have Put Four Presidents’ Faces on It
Tennessee
Country Died Here
Texas
Bigger is Worse
Utah
Wives for Everyone!
Vermont
Billboards Will be Shot on Sight
Virgina
Once Mighty
Washington
…State
West Virgina
West of Sanity
Wisconsin
Wyoming
Montana?